Love this. So well observed. A big thank you for putting it in writing. We mom’s love our kids and want to invest in the work, but we also love and respect ourselves, so having the invisible time noted (and ideally shared) by the partner is essential for our sense of well being. Cooperative family is also good role modelling for the kids!
“The figure is almost as high for mothers who work, with two thirds of them (67%) saying they had been the default parent.”
Really shocked by this one. I am so grateful that my family is able to maintain a lifestyle where one of us can stay home, and as traditional as it may sound, I am grateful it’s my wife, as I feel there are far more benefits for my children.
But I wouldn’t dream of a scenario where I would avoid taking on any responsibility once getting home. I’m not sure how anyone could escape the guilt unless they truly believed, as you put it, they were smack dab in the middle of the 50s.
Every night, my wife and I have a “How Did We Do?” chat. Great time to calibrate our expectations and work on being better parents and better partners each and every day.
Awesome read Kev, really holds true and exposes the real complexities as you un pick the themes. Most of these immediately resonated. The biggest challenge i've had to wrestle with is living with someone who is a natural planner. I'm a reactionist, which is my natural and default personality. The way this tends to play out is that I'm great at dealing with situations as they emerge and cope well with whatever shit (sometimes literally) is thrown. But equally useless in thinking about anything that might effect us all in 3 months time (or even the end of the week). Finding a balance requires recognising your individual strengths and weaknesses and then re-combining them as a couple. Become 1 combined super parent rather than 2 weaker and stressed out ones.
I always try to stay true to the saying "You should not be helping your wife, as helping means it is her job, you should be sharing the responsibility."
Love this. So well observed. A big thank you for putting it in writing. We mom’s love our kids and want to invest in the work, but we also love and respect ourselves, so having the invisible time noted (and ideally shared) by the partner is essential for our sense of well being. Cooperative family is also good role modelling for the kids!
“The figure is almost as high for mothers who work, with two thirds of them (67%) saying they had been the default parent.”
Really shocked by this one. I am so grateful that my family is able to maintain a lifestyle where one of us can stay home, and as traditional as it may sound, I am grateful it’s my wife, as I feel there are far more benefits for my children.
But I wouldn’t dream of a scenario where I would avoid taking on any responsibility once getting home. I’m not sure how anyone could escape the guilt unless they truly believed, as you put it, they were smack dab in the middle of the 50s.
Every night, my wife and I have a “How Did We Do?” chat. Great time to calibrate our expectations and work on being better parents and better partners each and every day.
Awesome read Kev, really holds true and exposes the real complexities as you un pick the themes. Most of these immediately resonated. The biggest challenge i've had to wrestle with is living with someone who is a natural planner. I'm a reactionist, which is my natural and default personality. The way this tends to play out is that I'm great at dealing with situations as they emerge and cope well with whatever shit (sometimes literally) is thrown. But equally useless in thinking about anything that might effect us all in 3 months time (or even the end of the week). Finding a balance requires recognising your individual strengths and weaknesses and then re-combining them as a couple. Become 1 combined super parent rather than 2 weaker and stressed out ones.
I always try to stay true to the saying "You should not be helping your wife, as helping means it is her job, you should be sharing the responsibility."