Currently on my second week of paternity leave. I work for a government department in New Zealand and partners only get two weeks unpaid unless we take leave from the primary caregiver. We can’t afford doing that so I’ve cashed in three weeks of annual leave (basically what annual leave I had left). In the first week I was pretty much useless, baby just feeds and sleeps. By the time she starts interacting I’ll be back at work. I don’t regret it, just wish this paternity leave thing was more universal.
My mother-in-law stayed with us for the birth of my daughter. She was a lot more practical help to my wife than I could have been, so I didn’t take any time off. Maybe I missed out on some of that early father-daughter bonding but there’s plenty of time to catch up on that.
Not a Dad, and not even a Mum but thank you for writing something so important. To me how a society views and encourages, if not enforces, paternity leave is critical for reaching true equality between men and women, especially in the workplace. Positively changing cultural norms around fatherhood and its perception allows men to show up for their kids and shows their input is valued and needed. In turn this has a positive knock on effect on the opportunities given to women / mothers, and course for the children borne in these societies.
Let’s culturally enshrine that both men and women need support to welcome a new family addition (however they arrived). Let’s make it obvious that a break in work experience does not signify apathy or ‘cause for concern’. And let’s show our kids that we are around for them and value the time we spend with them.
This was a great read. I just finished my paternity "leave" and can't grasp how no leave policy is OK in any healthy society. I was "grateful" for 6 weeks of unpaid leave, and so did my partner. It barely felt like enough before we had to figure out how to pay for extraordinary expensive daycare and get back to work. The economics of this continue to win out over this being a social justice and equity issue. I'm enraged by the systems that uphold this being the "norm," but I'm figuring how to opt out of this and be a different model. Thanks to this community who is also trying to change the norms around this.
Very timely to read about paternity leave here; not only did I just finish my own paternity leave, I’ve just finished writing a piece about it myself!
My employer offers three weeks fully paid, which I’ve supplemented twice with two further weeks of annual leave. Even then, five weeks doesn’t feel like enough. I still remember how guilty I felt coming back from a 10 hour stint in the office to my wife curled up in a ball on the floor, exhausted by the isolation and the graft of taking care of a baby solo in those first three months. Working from home helps this time, but I still wish I didn’t have divided attention.
For me, three months should be the standard that governments aim to provide to all dads—whether they’re on a payroll or self-employed. Whether that’s fully paid or partially paid is another question, but that fourth trimester is so intense—that’s when the family unit needs to be together, unbroken.
Currently on my second week of paternity leave. I work for a government department in New Zealand and partners only get two weeks unpaid unless we take leave from the primary caregiver. We can’t afford doing that so I’ve cashed in three weeks of annual leave (basically what annual leave I had left). In the first week I was pretty much useless, baby just feeds and sleeps. By the time she starts interacting I’ll be back at work. I don’t regret it, just wish this paternity leave thing was more universal.
My mother-in-law stayed with us for the birth of my daughter. She was a lot more practical help to my wife than I could have been, so I didn’t take any time off. Maybe I missed out on some of that early father-daughter bonding but there’s plenty of time to catch up on that.
Not a Dad, and not even a Mum but thank you for writing something so important. To me how a society views and encourages, if not enforces, paternity leave is critical for reaching true equality between men and women, especially in the workplace. Positively changing cultural norms around fatherhood and its perception allows men to show up for their kids and shows their input is valued and needed. In turn this has a positive knock on effect on the opportunities given to women / mothers, and course for the children borne in these societies.
Let’s culturally enshrine that both men and women need support to welcome a new family addition (however they arrived). Let’s make it obvious that a break in work experience does not signify apathy or ‘cause for concern’. And let’s show our kids that we are around for them and value the time we spend with them.
Really appreciated reading this comment, Emma, especially the part about the positive knock on effect this opens for others.
This was a great read. I just finished my paternity "leave" and can't grasp how no leave policy is OK in any healthy society. I was "grateful" for 6 weeks of unpaid leave, and so did my partner. It barely felt like enough before we had to figure out how to pay for extraordinary expensive daycare and get back to work. The economics of this continue to win out over this being a social justice and equity issue. I'm enraged by the systems that uphold this being the "norm," but I'm figuring how to opt out of this and be a different model. Thanks to this community who is also trying to change the norms around this.
Very timely to read about paternity leave here; not only did I just finish my own paternity leave, I’ve just finished writing a piece about it myself!
My employer offers three weeks fully paid, which I’ve supplemented twice with two further weeks of annual leave. Even then, five weeks doesn’t feel like enough. I still remember how guilty I felt coming back from a 10 hour stint in the office to my wife curled up in a ball on the floor, exhausted by the isolation and the graft of taking care of a baby solo in those first three months. Working from home helps this time, but I still wish I didn’t have divided attention.
For me, three months should be the standard that governments aim to provide to all dads—whether they’re on a payroll or self-employed. Whether that’s fully paid or partially paid is another question, but that fourth trimester is so intense—that’s when the family unit needs to be together, unbroken.