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Rich's avatar

Thanks for sharing Kevin. I’m 7 months in and not ok all the time. I really identify with the sense of burden - for me i have grief at the passing of my old life, the change in my relationship and the relentlessness of the daily toil. I go in waves so I have genuine joy and warmth much of the time - I do feel very connected to my daughter - But also swings where I’m moving through motions like a grind stone - heavy and without any sense of aliveness - defensive, withdrawn, angry, spiralling. I’m lucky to have friends I can talk to about it, and I can see how much of it relates to echos from my own childhood - and still...

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Nate D's avatar

Grateful for you sharing this Kevin. My daughter (our first child) is now 13mo and I have recently ultimately had to take some leave from work, as my depression and anxiety became unbearable. So much of what you shared resonates. I didn't feel the instant connection to her, when she was born, which devastated me and that led to me disengaging and instead focusing on other things (work, house projects, etc). How you used the video game to reach out for control, is exactly what I've done with projects. I have seen a therapist regularly since 2018 and continue to now. Recently, I fell into some acute insomnia that has been hard to overcome and that led to also trying sleep medication (ultimately not very helpful). My

My wife has been an absolute rock. Her love for our daughter is unrelenting, while she has also been worried for and loving me. I carry immense guilt to not be the partner and parent that I had thought I would be right now.

Overall, despite it not feeling like there is light at the end of this tunnel, I am so grateful for your vulnerability and for sharing your experience. I have only one friend in my life that I can talk to openly about this. He hasn't gone through the same with his 2 children, but he definitely understands, can empathize, and is a great friend. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for helping me not feel alone and so ashamed. Really grateful.

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