This column is the perfect ‘schadenfreude’ for me - happy I’m not alone as a dad going nuts with twin girls. It’s amazing how consistent this experience is across the world.

Expand full comment
Jun 24, 2022·edited Jun 24, 2022

A thought provoking and reflective piece, Kevin.

I think if we'd planned it, I can't see when it would've been the "right time" to have #2.

We had two close together - not on purpose, but it ended up that way. We struggled for a few years to have #1, getting gradually older and older, and when it finally happened, it was such a relief. We were a happy little family of three, very content, and all the stress of conception went away, and we started to enjoy being a couple again, so to speak. #1 was 6 mths old when we discovered we were having #2 9 months later, so they ended up 15 mths apart. It was beneficial (in some ways) to be in "cope/survival mode" across both kids at the same time.

They are good friends - the best of friends - they actually like the same stuff. The play that one wants, the other one wants. Their interests are aligned and it's lovely to watch them grow alongside one another.

That said, we won't have anymore. There's the odd heartstring when seeing a newborn and acknowledging that that time of our life is now past us, and that it was such a blur when we were in the thick of it. #1 just turned 4 a few weeks ago and #2 turns 3 in September. I took videos, took lots of videos, even of silly things, and now revisit them when the dust has since settled.

Expand full comment

As the father of four, I can confidently say that two is a good number. ;-) I've told my children at various times, "Any two of you are just extras. The ones who can and will support me in my old age are the ones I keep."

Reality: From two to three was a significant change. I don't know if it is just due to being outnumbered but it felt as though things became significantly more challenging. Three to four was a blur. It really felt as though it made no difference. Again, this may be due the fact that we had a bigger gap between three and four and by then, the older two were pretty helpful with the last one.

Either way, your analysis is far more calculated than our decision to have any of our kids. I believe our fourth was the only one where we said, "Do we want to do this again?" We decided we did and, of course, in hindsight, I can't imagine it being any different.

All that said, as I indicated initially - having had four, I think two is a good number. Take care.

Expand full comment

Wow there is a lot of reasoning I used when I decided to go for my second baby. It took me 10 years to decide to have a second one 😆 it’s a long time but I was ready when I did

Expand full comment

Perfect timing for this article. ¡Gracias!

Expand full comment