We’ve all been told that anger is a problem: something to control, suppress, or apologise for. But what if the real problem isn’t about the anger that we have, but that we have no idea what to do with it?
This month on the podcast, I sat down with Sam Parker—senior editor at British GQ and author of Good Anger: How Rethinking Rage Can Change Our Lives—to dig into why so many fathers have a broken relationship with this most fundamental emotion. Sam argues that anger isn’t the enemy, and that learning to feel it without shame (rather than turn it inwards on ourselves) might be one of the most important things we can do: for ourselves, our partners, and our kids.
We talk about the moment each of us realised we’d been burying our anger for decades, what happens in your body when a boundary gets crossed, and why regular repair matters much more than never losing your shit in the first place.
Subscribe to the Podcast
Where to Find Sam Parker
Find Sam’s book Good Anger on Amazon and Bookshop.org
The Good Father newsletter on Substack
Episode References
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
The Gottman Institute: The Four Horsemen
Kevin’s essay: “Where’s My Jenny?”
The New Fatherhood Therapy Fund
Timestamps
00:00 — welcome to the anger episode
03:39 — meet Sam’s family: Jessie, baby Olive, and life in Kent
04:32 — rethinking what anger is for
05:18 — when anger gets swept under the carpet
06:15 — suppression vs. aggression: the anger problem nobody talks about
07:10 — the “I don’t really get angry” myth
9:49 — anger does not have to equal violence
12:39 — how anger can manifest in the body
14:06 — what is “good anger”?
14:48 — the discomfort caveat
17:45 — Sam’s boxing breakthrough
19:11 — anger can be clarifying
20:44 — how anger hijacks the brain
27:50 — managing anger between siblings
33:05 — getting mad near a newborn
39:00 — dad’s role was disciplinarian
42:24 — resentment as anger’s cousin
