Late to the discussion and may be repeating myself, but Bruce Feiler's "Life Is in the Transitions" is a perfect fit for this post. A great deal of how well people navigate major life transitions is whether they have strategies for the "messy middle." He also debunks the notion of an actual middle, which I think you're doing here to some extent. There is no single mid-life crisis. There are many disruptions, ups and downs, and some of them are lifequakes. It's not as if figuring out 40 makes 50 or 60 that much easier. In many ways age 23 and 46 were the times when I felt the most unmoored in my life. The number matters less than the foundation built under it.
"Halfway along the road we have to go, / I found myself obscured in a great forest, / Bewildered, and I knew I had lost the way." (Sisson's translation—there are so many!)
I knew what this was all about as soon as I read the opening lines. This hit hard. I've spent a lot of time with Dante, and I find myself (obscured) at the age he was when he was exiled from Florence and began his poetic journey. So this is my Dante year. It sucks when those kinds of things about being a certain age are right.
The beginning of the middle makes life feel like such a long time. Oy, it's a long time. But having been here (or rather "been here") before, I do know two things: "The way upward and the way downward are one and the same" and "When you're going through Hell, keep going." So I keep going.
There's a reason why certain texts have stayed constant, their relevance less tied to a certain time but connected to those similar lifestages we all find ourselves heading through.
Reading this exactly a week before my 40th birthday and it really resonated. I’ve also been very contemplative about the milestone. I’ve been fantasising about where my life would be had I made different decisions and realised how easy it is to fall into the trap of only playing out the positive fantasies.
Wondering where I’d be had I not become a father made me realise how much parental responsibility made me push for better pay, move to a better neighbourhood, insist on work-life balance, eat healthier food, essentially quit drinking, etc.
Sure, I miss some experiences dearly, and obviously wouldn’t trade my wonderful kids for the world, but it’s been a worthwhile thought experiment to realise that even a lot of mundane stuff has improved in my life because of them.
This is my favourite essay you’ve written. I don’t know why (maybe because I / our life features less) but the writing is beautiful. Love you and proud of everything you’re doing. x
Late to the discussion and may be repeating myself, but Bruce Feiler's "Life Is in the Transitions" is a perfect fit for this post. A great deal of how well people navigate major life transitions is whether they have strategies for the "messy middle." He also debunks the notion of an actual middle, which I think you're doing here to some extent. There is no single mid-life crisis. There are many disruptions, ups and downs, and some of them are lifequakes. It's not as if figuring out 40 makes 50 or 60 that much easier. In many ways age 23 and 46 were the times when I felt the most unmoored in my life. The number matters less than the foundation built under it.
Will check it out
"Halfway along the road we have to go, / I found myself obscured in a great forest, / Bewildered, and I knew I had lost the way." (Sisson's translation—there are so many!)
I knew what this was all about as soon as I read the opening lines. This hit hard. I've spent a lot of time with Dante, and I find myself (obscured) at the age he was when he was exiled from Florence and began his poetic journey. So this is my Dante year. It sucks when those kinds of things about being a certain age are right.
The beginning of the middle makes life feel like such a long time. Oy, it's a long time. But having been here (or rather "been here") before, I do know two things: "The way upward and the way downward are one and the same" and "When you're going through Hell, keep going." So I keep going.
There's a reason why certain texts have stayed constant, their relevance less tied to a certain time but connected to those similar lifestages we all find ourselves heading through.
Reading this exactly a week before my 40th birthday and it really resonated. I’ve also been very contemplative about the milestone. I’ve been fantasising about where my life would be had I made different decisions and realised how easy it is to fall into the trap of only playing out the positive fantasies.
Wondering where I’d be had I not become a father made me realise how much parental responsibility made me push for better pay, move to a better neighbourhood, insist on work-life balance, eat healthier food, essentially quit drinking, etc.
Sure, I miss some experiences dearly, and obviously wouldn’t trade my wonderful kids for the world, but it’s been a worthwhile thought experiment to realise that even a lot of mundane stuff has improved in my life because of them.
Lovely thought Paul
What Sejal said!
This is my favourite essay you’ve written. I don’t know why (maybe because I / our life features less) but the writing is beautiful. Love you and proud of everything you’re doing. x