I really appreciated this post. I'm wrestling with control issues/PTSD around my wife's postpartum psychosis 4 years ago, and some of the ways it manifests is me trying to fix everything for her and our twins and, ultimately, not listening/observing what's actually happening. Slowing down to listen and be present has yielded more progress than months (if not years) of arguing and letting anxiety, fear, and if I'm being honest ego trying to force a "solution" which was often just a band-aid for my own shit. Thanks for giving me more to think about as I worked towards a being a more gentle father and partner.
I have a post-trauma disorder and have been discovering a change in listening. I don’t realize at the time, but I can’t *not* listen. It’s like I’m not listening and certainly am not able to respond adequately. Then hours, days, weeks, even months later things sort themselves into realizations in my head, with ohhhhh!
Reading this post, I wondered for the first time if our mentally ill mother (who never told us about it) was listening in this sort of way after all… when she never listened.
Love the tchotchke advice. I used to do that with post-it notes to remind me to ASK BETTER QUESTIONS or COUNT TO 10 after asking a question to allow the other to think. But I like the tchotchke idea better. It’s not as in my face and could be a nice moment for levity.
Great article. Insightful, moving and very honest. I love the idea of a new way to do fatherhood.
Woah, just read that Psychology Today essay! Who let that get published? I won't be reading any of Marty Nemko's 10 books.
I really appreciated this post. I'm wrestling with control issues/PTSD around my wife's postpartum psychosis 4 years ago, and some of the ways it manifests is me trying to fix everything for her and our twins and, ultimately, not listening/observing what's actually happening. Slowing down to listen and be present has yielded more progress than months (if not years) of arguing and letting anxiety, fear, and if I'm being honest ego trying to force a "solution" which was often just a band-aid for my own shit. Thanks for giving me more to think about as I worked towards a being a more gentle father and partner.
I have a post-trauma disorder and have been discovering a change in listening. I don’t realize at the time, but I can’t *not* listen. It’s like I’m not listening and certainly am not able to respond adequately. Then hours, days, weeks, even months later things sort themselves into realizations in my head, with ohhhhh!
Reading this post, I wondered for the first time if our mentally ill mother (who never told us about it) was listening in this sort of way after all… when she never listened.
Love the tchotchke advice. I used to do that with post-it notes to remind me to ASK BETTER QUESTIONS or COUNT TO 10 after asking a question to allow the other to think. But I like the tchotchke idea better. It’s not as in my face and could be a nice moment for levity.