We all carry around an idea of success—the job promotion we crave, the car that’ll make strangers on the street crane their necks in jealousy, the beautiful house that turns visitors quiet as they walk through the front door. Fewer ask where these ideas come from. Mostly, they’re absorbed from our parents, from culture, and from the other dads we compare ourselves to without meaning to.
We spend our lives chasing these ghosts. But nobody warns you what’s on the other side—what might happen if you get everything you wanted and end up feeling hollow. For this month’s podcast, I sat down with my good friend Toph—known to the rest of the world as SOHN, the British artist and producer behind the albums Tremors and Trust. SOHN signed a record deal with 4AD, played Coachella and the late-night US TV circuit, and has spent well over a decade living the “artist dream” while raising three boys. Six years ago, we met in the lift of a Barcelona hotel, and eventually bonded over something neither of us saw coming: an episode of depression after the birth of our second child.
We pulled each other through that dark time, with long walks and honest conversations. Just before the launch of his fourth album Albadas (Dawn Songs), we sat down in his studio to talk about all of it. This is the most honest conversation about success, money and creative identity I’ve ever heard from a dad in the public eye. We talk about his five-year creative block, the album that only arrived when he stopped writing as SOHN and started writing as a dad, what it does to your head when your creative output is tied to the food you put on your kids’ plates—and why, when what he was chasing turned out to be a trap, he sold the dream house, killed the ego he’d spent so long protecting, and started again.
Listen and Subscribe On …
Where to Find SOHN
His new ambient album Albadas (Dawn Songs)—stream it everywhere or grab the limited vinyl/CD on Bandcamp
Trust—the album we discuss throughout, drenched in themes of fatherhood
Follow him on Instagram
Episode References
Trust (2022)—SOHN’s third album, written after a five-year block
Tremors (2014) and “The Wheel”—where the world first heard SOHN
The Streets—the Mike Skinner problem: what do you write about when the drama’s gone?
Oasis, Be Here Now—the Rolls-Royce in the swimming pool
Elliott Smith and Nick Drake—and the myth of great art made in depression
Kevin’s essay: “How to Raise Tiny Humans Without Losing Your Mind”—The Tunnel, and coming out of it at five years
Timestamps
0:00 — a new definition of success
0:46 — a conversation between good friends
2:01 — the fantasy of the artistic dream
4:14 — neck pain and stress
7:09 — what shocked SOHN about fatherhood: patience, autonomy, silence
8:50 — from one kid to two kids
12:58 — paternal postnatal depression
14:51 — great artist vs. stable force: the identity collision
18:44 — the five-year creative block
20:42 — having nothing to say
22:26 — Tundra, the record nobody heard
24:20 — early struggling musician days
25:06 — the buffet of success
27:57 — signing with the guy whose music he hated
31:52 — losing the compass
33:42 — depression as a weather system
35:13 — the myth of making great art while depressed
36:51 — at peace with the kids, at war with yourself
39:28 — the head fuck of creative money: “we’re screwed” to “we’re rich” overnight
44:04 — selling the dream house
47:27 — imposter syndrome
49:25 — Trust: giving up as a creative strategy
53:39 — when the fears came true
55:39 — the ego death journey
58:33 — listen up, parents: it gets easier
1:00:34 — where are all my friends?
1:05:34 — alternative to climbing the social ladder
1:07:03 — three boys watch their dad on stage
Credits
Host: Kevin Maguire
Managing Producer: Elizabeth Van Brocklin
Sound Editor: Sam Williams
Theme Music: SOHN
