"My father often wanted to love me, and he did it the best he knew: Paying for things and experiences, working hard to ensure we would not lack for money, teaching me how to have a work ethic."
This is how I was taught to be a man. Providing was more important than anything else. I've lived by that mantra for over 40 years and it has brought me a lot of pain and caused me to miss many happy moments with my kids. I know my father did his best but he still taught me to carry his same scars. Fortunately, I'm finally stripping away my old personality and rebuilding one I'm happier with.
I am sure I have some work to do reconciling my relationship with my dad (who I only recently found out is not my biological father; sperm donor, not infidelity), but I am not eager to do it.
What a knife twist of a comment that was. Our daughter is only 5, so the cutting comments aren't as bad yet. I guess I better work on preparing for the worse ones now.
I suppose one way to prepare for the worst: avoid talking in detail about the relationship you have with your father, and your daughter won't then have the ammo to make cutting comments later. ;)
At least in my case, the desire to change things for the better, to be transparent about my past history and so on -- it raised the standard for myself and while it was a little like opening pandora's box and welcoming in criticism, it also has held me accountable to go further.
"My father often wanted to love me, and he did it the best he knew: Paying for things and experiences, working hard to ensure we would not lack for money, teaching me how to have a work ethic."
This is how I was taught to be a man. Providing was more important than anything else. I've lived by that mantra for over 40 years and it has brought me a lot of pain and caused me to miss many happy moments with my kids. I know my father did his best but he still taught me to carry his same scars. Fortunately, I'm finally stripping away my old personality and rebuilding one I'm happier with.
Thank you for sharing!
What a gift to yourself and to all those around you to be making anew.
& Hopefully (on their good days) your kids acknowledge to themselves and their peers, "my dad did his best."
I'm still practicing that myself.
I am sure I have some work to do reconciling my relationship with my dad (who I only recently found out is not my biological father; sperm donor, not infidelity), but I am not eager to do it.
What a knife twist of a comment that was. Our daughter is only 5, so the cutting comments aren't as bad yet. I guess I better work on preparing for the worse ones now.
I suppose one way to prepare for the worst: avoid talking in detail about the relationship you have with your father, and your daughter won't then have the ammo to make cutting comments later. ;)
At least in my case, the desire to change things for the better, to be transparent about my past history and so on -- it raised the standard for myself and while it was a little like opening pandora's box and welcoming in criticism, it also has held me accountable to go further.
Wishing you self-kindness every step of the way