10 Comments
User's avatar
What I leave behind's avatar

I felt this deeply. I got sober 3 years ago. Now I no longer have the help of a substance to relieve me of my discomfort.

Today I yelled, “shut up!” at my 2 year old because he said “Ew.” For the 20th time while biting into the food I labored for 2 hours over.

The Harder Job's avatar

The train derailing and watching it happen - that’s the line that got me. The gap between the father you intended to be and the one who shows up at 6pm depleted is something I think about a lot. What struck me about your piece is that finding the explanation changed everything for you. Most of us are still searching for ours. Thank you for writing this honestly

Brad Kelley's avatar

Thanks for your kind words, glad it resonated 🙏☺️

Jacob Pannell's avatar

"The detail about lower tolerance for stress and shutting down, I've been there. What I've noticed is that fatherhood doesn't create those patterns, it just makes them visible in a way you can't easily look away from. The question 'why is this so hard when other dads seem fine?' is one I think a lot of us carry silently for way too long. Great job putting words to it, Brad.

Brad Kelley's avatar

Thanks Jacob—really appreciate it 🙏

Davina Robertson's avatar

I am grateful to you for this. I see it now, stretching back through the generations of our family too. The shame, which is not yours, sits heavy when children's needs are so difficult to meet. As ours were only partially met too. I dream of the healing of this so that future generations can be free.

Brad Kelley's avatar

Thank you Davina—I think a lot of us feel the weight of generational cycles anyway when it comes to parenting, but then adding in neurodivergence into the mix takes the responsibility to a whole new level, and makes the sensory onslaught of early childhood that much more overwhelming.

R K's avatar

👏👏

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Loved!

Brad Kelley's avatar

So glad to hear—thank you 🙏