In the community last month we got deep into hobbies: the role they play in our lives, the struggle to find time for them after becoming parents, the pressure from “side-hustle culture” to partake in them only in pursuit of financial goals.
We’re so much more than “just” dads here. So this weekend, let’s talk about leisurely pursuits. What are you into? What do you like to do with your spare (ha!) time? What itch does it scratch for you? How are you progressing, or is that not even the point?
Looking forward to nerding out with y’all in the comments, and finding some good Venn overlaps …
My daughter is now around 4 months and the change in hobbies has been one of the biggest struggles for me. There is a ton of info out there about not losing one's self and maintaining a person-parent balance so I won't get into it (I'm sure we all have experienced walking that particular tightrope). But, nonetheless trying to find time for myself has been tough.
With our schedules I've settled on two main things: once a week I play hockey and take a singing lesson. Hockey is great because I can get a workout, have some individual social time, and it's surprisingly easy on my knees. Singing is still kind of new for me. I'm much more vulnerable doing it than playing an instrument but, based on the songs I'm working on any given week, it does give me a nice emotional outlet as well.
I'm looking forward to the days when I can spend more time on video games, board games, or maybe even community theater again.
I've gone big on gardening, or more specifically food growing, this year. I've never done it before and have become pretty consumed by the ambition to be partly self-sufficient. I don't know if the local urban wildlife will permit it but we'll see.
I started singing in choirs about 10 years ago and have just gone back to it after a pandemic/childcare singing break. We did our first performance of the year a couple of weeks ago and the sense of achievement + fun was great. As gigs have faded from my life it's nice to have another way to 'physically interact' (??) with music.
I suppose I love doing the online version of crate-digging, as I'm always looking for something new/old to listen to, but while it's amazing you can access all music ever, the fact it's all mediated through a screen somehow makes it feel less joyful. Just me?
(If you'd told 18 year-old me that I would become a gardener and chorister I would have thrown an ashtray at you.)
Me. Football is generally always been my space, watching it rather than playing it the last 5-10 years. It takes so much time up these days but found a lot of solace in going to a live match though it is a good 4 hours outside of family life. Aside from my family I’m not sure I spend more time doing anything else other than football, reading, watching or tweeting about it.
I started to cycle using a peloton during lockdown, needed to find something that fitted into my life schedule and it’s been great for my mental health now the gym feels a little too far away. I’m a fair weather cyclist outside of peloton, so come sunshine I’ll prob get a cycle in. Just around the area but something about cycling that just is so freeing. Can’t wait to cycle with my son.
Wine. I did a WSET course in it, it’s super easy to pass but you get a basic grounding which is nice. Also something you can practice... and it’s fun.
Reading / audio - mostly on my phone these days, kindle, Substack or every newspaper you can imagine. Just can spend a good few hours, or 10 mins, reading something interesting.
Research. This is an odd one. But I just bloody love researching stuff. Like the other day, I spent maybe every hour across a weekend searching for a back pack, articles, unboxing (bagging?) anything. Same with airbnbs or hotels. Just did the same with eye creams... maybe not a hobby? But I find it quite enjoyable.
After my son was born in 2012 I finally committed to being a writer, rather than saying I was going to be one. I've now written 3 novels and am working on my 4th, which I'm publishing on my Substack week-by-week. Somehow, having less free time after he was born made me MORE productive. Focused the mind, I think. Having a kid I found gave me an unexpected sense of mortality, too, and an impetus to *get on with things*.
Hobbies? As if. Sleep (or the eternal pursuit of it) seems the only available pastime. As a father of a 4.5 year old boy and a 1 year old girl, there is no time for anything really. Assume this improves
Great topic. Although I haven't gotten to get out there as much over the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, I run and play tennis. Has been weeks since I hit the courts but I usually play once a week and will do again from next week. Running has taken a back seat for the past couple of weeks but again, going to get out into the fresh air later today or tomorrow! It always feels so good within minutes of hitting the tarmac :)
Then, I work on a variety of side projects which are technically work but don't feel like it! In fact, I really enjoy working so it doesn't matter either way. I am the co-founder of a productivity app for groups and individuals, run 5 different content websites, and also do some coaching here and there. Not the usual stuff, but all based around a new / old understanding of how we tick. Hope to do more over the next while, especially with men who we know are slower to look for support.
Also spotted someone mentioning gardening, and while out watering some plants in the cool sunshine earlier I had the idea of planting some seeds in the sunniest part of the garden. So I'm going to look into that :)
I make (mostly very short) tabletop roleplaying games after my four-year-old goes to bed at night. I feel extremely lucky that my she is so excited to playtest them with me. She changes the rules whenever she feels like it, of course, but that's probably valuable design feedback in its own way.
Is Disney a hobby? We live in Orange County, CA and are Disneyland pass holders. We take our kids as often as time will allow, and it’s safe to say that there’s a Disney core memory (to use Inside Out parlance) in every person in the family!
I have been into pop up cards/books for some time, but now im trying to learn more profesional mechanisms. I love creating something unique for special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries). It doesnt take lots of time, but people really love getting them!
My first thought when I read this was, what the hell is a leisurely pursuit? that sounds fantastic!
Much of what I do for fun transforms into work, or maybe how I engage with supposedly fun things so closely resembles work that I don't register the difference. I realize this may be a sign that I take myself altogether far too seriously.
On a deeper level, I resonate with Joshua's perspective on ritual.
Spinning fire has been a meditation/ritual for me for many years. I hesitate to call it a hobby, but it is, quite fun.
As predictable as it is for a middle aged dad, I’ve gotten really into golf. It’s good exercise, I can hang out with friends in the sunshine, be moderately athletic and walk a few miles while doing so.
Lately, I’ve been leaning into cooking. My primary non-child related accomplishment while being on paternity leave has been perfecting a (American) biscuit recipe. I’ve also been into gardening though I’m late getting my seedlings going this year.
Becoming a father has definitely disrupted the hobby situation though I’m starting to put things back together. I’ve been into martial arts and meditation for a long time. Hiking, which we are doing more of as a way to get the baby and dog (and us) out. I used to ride my bike quite a bit around the city here.
I also have a fairly strong DIY tendency that runs through everything. Part of my enjoyment around riding my bike is that I built it. :)
If it's not too obnoxious to share my own newsletter, I wrote about this on Tuesday (https://joshuadolezal.substack.com/p/rituals-as-recovery?s=w), reflecting on the difference between hobbies and rituals. I'm more of a ritual person, and I have a lot of them: bread baking, kombucha, canning (salsa, hot sauce, and more), maple syruping, running, songwriting... I think of a ritual as something that I do habitually and that connects me to others, to a place, or more deeply to myself. But that might be my academic tendency to over-analyze showing itself!
Recently I've started weightlifting (which is really not something I ever thought I'd do, lol) mostly because a friend needed a lifting buddy. I'm not trying to go crazy with it, but I'm four months in and really enjoying the extra energy in my body. I also stay home with my two year-old daughter a couple days a week, so having gym time gives things a nice balance.
Also, I've started reading newsletters on Substack and Ghost, and I feel like the internet is interesting again! I'm really enjoying The New Fatherhood (thanks Kevin, it really does make my day) as well as other smart and thought-provoking sites like Astral Codex Ten (https://astralcodexten.substack.com), Slow Boring (https://www.slowboring.com), and a new favorite, Cold Takes (https://www.cold-takes.com). It's like squats for the mind ;).
I got into 35mm film photography recently. These manually focused images are not perfect but feel very real and the colours are way nicer than anything that comes out from a phone. Feels like Christmas everytime I develop a roll!
— Music. As you can tell from the newsletter, I'm a huge music nerd and will always want to listen to new things, go to see live gigs, geek out about favourite bands. Worked in one of the UK's best record shops (Piccadilly Records) as my first gig out of university, and ignited a lifelong love of all kinds of music. Learning to play the piano now has given me a new-found appreciation of a lot of music I've long since forgotten.
— Yoga / Mindfulness. Again, no big surprise. Always looking for ways to get better in my practice, and finding the time when there are kids around.
— Videogames: I used to be a huge gamer. Up until about 18 months ago when I stopped. I have been dabbling again a little recently (a few hours spent on the new Halo) and always keeping an eye out for the game that will eventually hook me back in. I thought that might be "God of War: Ragnarok" coming later this year, but I've become enchanted by "Tunic," a Zelda-influenced game that makes me feel like I'm 9 years old and playing "A Link to the Past" for the first time.
My daughter is now around 4 months and the change in hobbies has been one of the biggest struggles for me. There is a ton of info out there about not losing one's self and maintaining a person-parent balance so I won't get into it (I'm sure we all have experienced walking that particular tightrope). But, nonetheless trying to find time for myself has been tough.
With our schedules I've settled on two main things: once a week I play hockey and take a singing lesson. Hockey is great because I can get a workout, have some individual social time, and it's surprisingly easy on my knees. Singing is still kind of new for me. I'm much more vulnerable doing it than playing an instrument but, based on the songs I'm working on any given week, it does give me a nice emotional outlet as well.
I'm looking forward to the days when I can spend more time on video games, board games, or maybe even community theater again.
I've gone big on gardening, or more specifically food growing, this year. I've never done it before and have become pretty consumed by the ambition to be partly self-sufficient. I don't know if the local urban wildlife will permit it but we'll see.
I started singing in choirs about 10 years ago and have just gone back to it after a pandemic/childcare singing break. We did our first performance of the year a couple of weeks ago and the sense of achievement + fun was great. As gigs have faded from my life it's nice to have another way to 'physically interact' (??) with music.
I suppose I love doing the online version of crate-digging, as I'm always looking for something new/old to listen to, but while it's amazing you can access all music ever, the fact it's all mediated through a screen somehow makes it feel less joyful. Just me?
(If you'd told 18 year-old me that I would become a gardener and chorister I would have thrown an ashtray at you.)
I have a few that have stuck with
Me. Football is generally always been my space, watching it rather than playing it the last 5-10 years. It takes so much time up these days but found a lot of solace in going to a live match though it is a good 4 hours outside of family life. Aside from my family I’m not sure I spend more time doing anything else other than football, reading, watching or tweeting about it.
I started to cycle using a peloton during lockdown, needed to find something that fitted into my life schedule and it’s been great for my mental health now the gym feels a little too far away. I’m a fair weather cyclist outside of peloton, so come sunshine I’ll prob get a cycle in. Just around the area but something about cycling that just is so freeing. Can’t wait to cycle with my son.
Wine. I did a WSET course in it, it’s super easy to pass but you get a basic grounding which is nice. Also something you can practice... and it’s fun.
Reading / audio - mostly on my phone these days, kindle, Substack or every newspaper you can imagine. Just can spend a good few hours, or 10 mins, reading something interesting.
Research. This is an odd one. But I just bloody love researching stuff. Like the other day, I spent maybe every hour across a weekend searching for a back pack, articles, unboxing (bagging?) anything. Same with airbnbs or hotels. Just did the same with eye creams... maybe not a hobby? But I find it quite enjoyable.
After my son was born in 2012 I finally committed to being a writer, rather than saying I was going to be one. I've now written 3 novels and am working on my 4th, which I'm publishing on my Substack week-by-week. Somehow, having less free time after he was born made me MORE productive. Focused the mind, I think. Having a kid I found gave me an unexpected sense of mortality, too, and an impetus to *get on with things*.
Hobbies? As if. Sleep (or the eternal pursuit of it) seems the only available pastime. As a father of a 4.5 year old boy and a 1 year old girl, there is no time for anything really. Assume this improves
Great topic. Although I haven't gotten to get out there as much over the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, I run and play tennis. Has been weeks since I hit the courts but I usually play once a week and will do again from next week. Running has taken a back seat for the past couple of weeks but again, going to get out into the fresh air later today or tomorrow! It always feels so good within minutes of hitting the tarmac :)
Then, I work on a variety of side projects which are technically work but don't feel like it! In fact, I really enjoy working so it doesn't matter either way. I am the co-founder of a productivity app for groups and individuals, run 5 different content websites, and also do some coaching here and there. Not the usual stuff, but all based around a new / old understanding of how we tick. Hope to do more over the next while, especially with men who we know are slower to look for support.
Also spotted someone mentioning gardening, and while out watering some plants in the cool sunshine earlier I had the idea of planting some seeds in the sunniest part of the garden. So I'm going to look into that :)
I'm chipping away at a novel I doubt will ever be finished. Any other writers in the mix?
I make (mostly very short) tabletop roleplaying games after my four-year-old goes to bed at night. I feel extremely lucky that my she is so excited to playtest them with me. She changes the rules whenever she feels like it, of course, but that's probably valuable design feedback in its own way.
Is Disney a hobby? We live in Orange County, CA and are Disneyland pass holders. We take our kids as often as time will allow, and it’s safe to say that there’s a Disney core memory (to use Inside Out parlance) in every person in the family!
I have been into pop up cards/books for some time, but now im trying to learn more profesional mechanisms. I love creating something unique for special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries). It doesnt take lots of time, but people really love getting them!
My first thought when I read this was, what the hell is a leisurely pursuit? that sounds fantastic!
Much of what I do for fun transforms into work, or maybe how I engage with supposedly fun things so closely resembles work that I don't register the difference. I realize this may be a sign that I take myself altogether far too seriously.
On a deeper level, I resonate with Joshua's perspective on ritual.
Spinning fire has been a meditation/ritual for me for many years. I hesitate to call it a hobby, but it is, quite fun.
As predictable as it is for a middle aged dad, I’ve gotten really into golf. It’s good exercise, I can hang out with friends in the sunshine, be moderately athletic and walk a few miles while doing so.
Lately, I’ve been leaning into cooking. My primary non-child related accomplishment while being on paternity leave has been perfecting a (American) biscuit recipe. I’ve also been into gardening though I’m late getting my seedlings going this year.
Becoming a father has definitely disrupted the hobby situation though I’m starting to put things back together. I’ve been into martial arts and meditation for a long time. Hiking, which we are doing more of as a way to get the baby and dog (and us) out. I used to ride my bike quite a bit around the city here.
I also have a fairly strong DIY tendency that runs through everything. Part of my enjoyment around riding my bike is that I built it. :)
If it's not too obnoxious to share my own newsletter, I wrote about this on Tuesday (https://joshuadolezal.substack.com/p/rituals-as-recovery?s=w), reflecting on the difference between hobbies and rituals. I'm more of a ritual person, and I have a lot of them: bread baking, kombucha, canning (salsa, hot sauce, and more), maple syruping, running, songwriting... I think of a ritual as something that I do habitually and that connects me to others, to a place, or more deeply to myself. But that might be my academic tendency to over-analyze showing itself!
Recently I've started weightlifting (which is really not something I ever thought I'd do, lol) mostly because a friend needed a lifting buddy. I'm not trying to go crazy with it, but I'm four months in and really enjoying the extra energy in my body. I also stay home with my two year-old daughter a couple days a week, so having gym time gives things a nice balance.
Also, I've started reading newsletters on Substack and Ghost, and I feel like the internet is interesting again! I'm really enjoying The New Fatherhood (thanks Kevin, it really does make my day) as well as other smart and thought-provoking sites like Astral Codex Ten (https://astralcodexten.substack.com), Slow Boring (https://www.slowboring.com), and a new favorite, Cold Takes (https://www.cold-takes.com). It's like squats for the mind ;).
I got into 35mm film photography recently. These manually focused images are not perfect but feel very real and the colours are way nicer than anything that comes out from a phone. Feels like Christmas everytime I develop a roll!
Three big ones for me:
— Music. As you can tell from the newsletter, I'm a huge music nerd and will always want to listen to new things, go to see live gigs, geek out about favourite bands. Worked in one of the UK's best record shops (Piccadilly Records) as my first gig out of university, and ignited a lifelong love of all kinds of music. Learning to play the piano now has given me a new-found appreciation of a lot of music I've long since forgotten.
— Yoga / Mindfulness. Again, no big surprise. Always looking for ways to get better in my practice, and finding the time when there are kids around.
— Videogames: I used to be a huge gamer. Up until about 18 months ago when I stopped. I have been dabbling again a little recently (a few hours spent on the new Halo) and always keeping an eye out for the game that will eventually hook me back in. I thought that might be "God of War: Ragnarok" coming later this year, but I've become enchanted by "Tunic," a Zelda-influenced game that makes me feel like I'm 9 years old and playing "A Link to the Past" for the first time.