Thank you for writing something that feels both deeply reassuring and quietly instructive without ever tipping into performance. What resonated most for me is how you normalize uncertainty—not as a temporary phase to “get past,” but as a defining feature of early fatherhood. That reframing feels like a gift, especially in a culture that still expects dads to project confidence even when they’re improvising in the dark.
One thought your piece stirred is how many of your rules are really about staying oriented to what’s already working. Keeping the water bottle full, not trying to make a happy kid happier, defaulting to the one who cares more—these aren’t optimization strategies so much as ways of resisting unnecessary disruption. I wonder if one of the quiet skills fatherhood teaches is discernment: learning when to intervene, and when presence alone is the most competent thing you can offer.
Ah thanks so much for the kind words, Kunlun! I like the common thread you pulled out. The other day my wife and I were trying to think of the entomology of the word “streamline” and how it likely comes from the path a stream carved through the rocks. I feel like parenting is similar—mostly just creating the conditions so that gravity can do its thing.
I love that image, Simone. “Streamline” as something discovered rather than imposed feels exactly right for this season. Parenting as noticing where gravity already wants to go, and removing the rocks that don’t need to be there.
What your metaphor adds for me is the sense that this kind of work is slow and cumulative. A stream doesn’t carve by force, but by constancy. Showing up, keeping the water bottle full, choosing not to overcorrect. Over time those choices shape something durable without ever feeling dramatic in the moment.
It also reframes agency in a helpful way. Not passivity, but stewardship: tending the conditions rather than trying to engineer outcomes. That feels like a humane counterpoint to the pressure many new parents feel to do more instead of do what matters.
Thank you for sharing that. It makes the whole piece feel even more settled in the body, not just the mind.
...also... I'm arguably a much less excellent writer than either Simone or Kevin, and yet here I am exhibiting the audacity to promote my writing in the someone else's comment section...
I wrote an essay called How to speedrun personal growth—The secret: become a dad, and it was basically an excuse to write about my experience of recently becoming a father.
I genuinely think my fellow The New Fatherhood readers would enjoy it.
Thank you for writing something that feels both deeply reassuring and quietly instructive without ever tipping into performance. What resonated most for me is how you normalize uncertainty—not as a temporary phase to “get past,” but as a defining feature of early fatherhood. That reframing feels like a gift, especially in a culture that still expects dads to project confidence even when they’re improvising in the dark.
One thought your piece stirred is how many of your rules are really about staying oriented to what’s already working. Keeping the water bottle full, not trying to make a happy kid happier, defaulting to the one who cares more—these aren’t optimization strategies so much as ways of resisting unnecessary disruption. I wonder if one of the quiet skills fatherhood teaches is discernment: learning when to intervene, and when presence alone is the most competent thing you can offer.
Ah thanks so much for the kind words, Kunlun! I like the common thread you pulled out. The other day my wife and I were trying to think of the entomology of the word “streamline” and how it likely comes from the path a stream carved through the rocks. I feel like parenting is similar—mostly just creating the conditions so that gravity can do its thing.
I love that image, Simone. “Streamline” as something discovered rather than imposed feels exactly right for this season. Parenting as noticing where gravity already wants to go, and removing the rocks that don’t need to be there.
What your metaphor adds for me is the sense that this kind of work is slow and cumulative. A stream doesn’t carve by force, but by constancy. Showing up, keeping the water bottle full, choosing not to overcorrect. Over time those choices shape something durable without ever feeling dramatic in the moment.
It also reframes agency in a helpful way. Not passivity, but stewardship: tending the conditions rather than trying to engineer outcomes. That feels like a humane counterpoint to the pressure many new parents feel to do more instead of do what matters.
Thank you for sharing that. It makes the whole piece feel even more settled in the body, not just the mind.
This is simply perfect advice.
...also... I'm arguably a much less excellent writer than either Simone or Kevin, and yet here I am exhibiting the audacity to promote my writing in the someone else's comment section...
I wrote an essay called How to speedrun personal growth—The secret: become a dad, and it was basically an excuse to write about my experience of recently becoming a father.
I genuinely think my fellow The New Fatherhood readers would enjoy it.
Sorry... here it is:
https://open.substack.com/pub/kobiwantulok/p/how-to-speedrun-personal-growth?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewer
Yay, promote away Kobi!
Great advice and a nice reminder as I approach baby #2!
Thanks, Thomas!
Thanks for lending me the stage, Kevin! I'd love to hear your guys' go-to parenting advice. Feel free to sound off in the comments :).
Good stuff, Simone! Halfway through my first year and this is all spot on 🎯