Dads don’t plan? Watch us.

Dadurdays: 1 week later

Nov 14, 2024

This week’s newsletter will be short because I wildly underestimated the work involved in herding hundreds of dads across 27 cities. In hindsight, I should’ve had an idea—I struggle to organise just one event. We’re currently at 12.

Back in September, a friend sent me a message informing me that a street games festival in Barcelona was coming up. It would be held over the weekend—Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It looked great—skateboards, BMXs, that kinda thing.

“Do you fancy it?” he asked.

“Of course, let’s do it.”

Did we agree to meet? Yes. Did we talk about what events we’d watch? Yes. Did we add it to our calendars for different days, and end up missing each other entirely? Also yes.

There’s a prevailing belief that “Dads don’t do plans.” But seeing these disparate groups come together and figure out the when and where of getting together has been a revelation. There’s been a lot of talk about weaponised incompetence in long-term relationships, but I haven’t seen it here—more a sense of relief. Said one dad: “My wife normally does this stuff. It’s nice to be taking the lead for a change.”

It’s not that we can’t. It’s not that we won’t. Sometimes, all we need is a nudge in the right direction. I sent out a short update after the last newsletter to the few hundred dads congregating in the community:

48 hours of Dadurdays: an update in numbers
1: broken link (of course, it was for the NYC group)
2: cities that I forgot to add to the list (Manchester! My hometown. Shame on me. Apologies to Houston, too.)
6: new dadmins stepping up to the plate
8: posters for Dadurdays stuck up in cafes, book shops and bakeries across Barcelona
251: dads joined from across the world

539: WhatsApp notifications from the various groups over the last two days (RIP my battery)
0: messages that new group members can scroll back through once they join (WTF WhatsApp GRRRRRRRR).
Most creative upcoming Dadurday: Flying kites in Chrissy Field, San Francisco
Most popular pastime: Bouldering/climbing. Roughly 50% of the London dads are into it. Feel quite confident there will be a group outing soon.
Biggest surprise: a friend in Tokyo turning up and saying “Can I run one here? I’m happy to translate posters into Japanese, too.” YES PLEASE 🇯🇵

Posters in the wild in Barcelona. They actually worked!

It’s been fascinating watching how different cities organise—I feel like I could write a sociology paper on it. London and Amsterdam were similar in terms of time horizons: “I’d love to do this but there’s no way I can do it next weekend.” In an alternative universe—AKA “Here in Barcelona”—I told people I was planning something in 8 days time, and a friend replied and wondered, “Why are you asking about next weekend already?”

At the time of sending this email, we are 298 dads strong across 27 groups. By the time you’ll read this we’ll almost certainly be 300. A solid start. (Did you know the first Weight Watchers meeting was just six people?) Next week I’ll share more details about how you can start a local meetup near you but for now, if you’re in or around the following cities, come to a meetup this weekend or join the group for next time (a “Just Dads” get together in December).

Dadurday #1 // With Kids // Roll Call

North America

San Francisco: Go fly a kite
Sunday Nov 17th at 3pm. Chrissie Field
Join WhatsApp Group

Boston: Hang out in a playground
Saturday November 16th at 10am. Cypress Street Playground, Brookline
Join WhatsApp Group

Denver: Drink coffee and let the kids loose in an indoor play area
Sunday November 17th at 9am. Table Public House
Join WhatsApp Group

New York: Grab a beer and hit up McCarren Park
Sunday November 17th at 3pm. Spritzenhaus33, 33 Nassau Avenue
Join WhatsApp Group

Philadelphia: Hang out in a playground
Saturday 16th November at 10am. Smith Memorial Playground, Fairmont
Join WhatsApp Group

Washington DC: Go watch a (free) kid-friendly concert
Sunday 17th November at 11am. Right Proper Brewing, 920 Girard St NE
Join WhatsApp Group

Toronto: Pet a farm animal
Saturday 16th November at 10am. Riverdale Farm
Join WhatsApp Group

Seattle: Hang out in a playground
Saturday 16th November at 10am. Green Lake Playground
Join WhatsApp Group

Portland: Grab a beer and (if the weather is good) go to a playground
Sunday 17th November at 3pm. Chill N Fill
Join WhatsApp Group

Chicago: Hang out in a playground
Sunday 17th November at 10.30am. Winnemac Park
Join WhatsApp Group

Minneapolis: Hang out in a playground
Sunday 17th November at 10am. Location TBC
Join WhatsApp Group

Europe

London: Explore a kid-friendly museum
Sunday 17th November at 2pm. Wellcome Collection
Join WhatsApp Group

Barcelona: Drink coffee and a hangout at the park
Sunday Nov 17th at 2pm. Orval Studios
Join WhatsApp Group

Other cities

For various reasons, the following cities don’t have an event planned. But you can still join the group, say hello, and get ready for the next one.

Atlanta Join WhatsApp Group

Houston Join WhatsApp Group

Charlotte Join WhatsApp Group

Austin Join WhatsApp Group

Los Angeles Join WhatsApp Group

SF Peninsula Join WhatsApp Group

Manchester Join WhatsApp Group

Amsterdam Join WhatsApp Group

Berlin Join WhatsApp Group

Tokyo Join WhatsApp Group

Melbourne Join WhatsApp Group

Sydney Join WhatsApp Group

Please please please before attending an event—JOIN THE GROUP! I have done everything I can to make sure this list is correct but I will almost certainly have made a mistake somewhere. Someone in the WhatsApp group will confirm all the details in due course. I highly encourage just checking in and making sure everything is correct before turning up, realising it is the wrong day, and forever cursing my name.

One incredibly frustrating limitation about WhatsApp is that upon entering a group you can’t see previous messages—meaning old introductions and messages discussing the event are hidden behind an impenetrable fog. It also means that you walk into the group and there’s nothing happening, leaving you like Confused Travolta.

But do not fear. People are there! And they’re all lovely. Head on in, the waters fine, introduce yourself, and I promise, they’ll play nice.

Next week: Lots of great photos (hopefully), details on Dadurday #2, and a plan on getting more of these off the ground in a city near you.

3 things to read this week

“What if the Solution to Men’s Loneliness Is … Freemasonry?” by Allegra Rosenberg in Slate. Dads find themselves struggling with adult friendships—a problem that seems to get worse as we get older and our calendars get busier. Rosenberg investigates the current state of the Freemasons and will open your eyes to a world you previously only knew as the inspiration for the Stonecutters.
*A Fatal Miscalculation: Richard Reeves on Why Democrats Lost Young Men” by Sam Wolfson in The Guardian. Reeves, author of
Of Boys and Men
, shares his take on why young men overwhelmingly broke for Trump last week. “What men heard from the right was: you’ve got problems, we don’t have solutions. What they heard from the left is: you don’t have problems, you are the problem. And between those two choices, it’s not really surprising to me that more men chose the Republican one.”
“To Play or Not to Play With Your Kid?” by Amanda Ruggeri in The Atlantic. Should we be in a constant state of “fun dad,” channelling our inner Bandit 24/7, rolling around on the floor for eternity, or is it okay to let kids learn to play on their own? Ruggeri’s piece on the importance of independent play is a refreshingly honest look at the pressures on parents to be ever-present in their kids’ playtime—and how, sometimes, it’s alright to just let them be.

When Your Kid Loves Their Teddy Too Much

“Too Much Love” is a project from German photographer Katja Kemnitz, who captures well-loved stuffed animals next to their off-the-shelf boxfresh versions. In her own words: “The project is inspired by my older daughter, who took her plush dog everywhere when she was little. One day I found this dog again without button eye and torn seams in the store and bought it. She did not like him. The old one was better and could not be replaced.”