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Jamie Alston's avatar

Excellent read. I appreciate this. Not sure if I'll tune into the show; might be more than I can handle emotionally at this time. But I am glad that shows like this exist if it gets us men and fathers thinking about how we can carve a better path instead of settling for the status quo.

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TN's avatar
Mar 28Edited

What complicates all of this is that every kid is different and no one-size-fits-all approach works. Plus things are constantly changing - technology, friend groups, schools, and the macro political and social environment. As soon as you’ve settled in and think you’ve got it, some variable changes that requires a change in your approach that you worked so hard to figure out. It’s hard!

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Colin Principe's avatar

I have not see the show but I did want to comment on Dan's remark about "working class lad made good," money concerns, and overtime.

My dad had a difficult relationship with his dad. I chalk part of that up to the fact that my great grandfather died when my grandfather was only twelve. My grandfather had to go to work supporting a family that had recently immigrated from Italy to Canada and had eight mouths to feed. So my grandfather went straight to adulthood, did not pass Go, did not collect any fun times and parenting experience. Nevertheless after getting married my grandfather got a solid union factory job with Goodyear Tire where he worked until he retired.

My dad was a minor hoodlum in the 1950's and early 60's who then mellowed out into a hippie. He got kicked out of the house for butting heads with my grandfather so much and mentally resolved that he was going to be the opposite of his dad when he was a father. My dad went to technical school to become a machinist but I arrived on the scene and Dad had to lean on my grandfather to get a job at Goodyear as well. Mom worked too as a very passionate civil servant in the Canadian Pension Plan.

Dad was always looking for opportunities to pick up overtime, but from what I remember I believe it was more from the standpoint of ensuring we always had some entertainment money for small vacations and to have a well stocked emergency fund. My mom seemed perpetually stressed out about money, but I feel like that was more due to her temperament than our actual finances. His job involved a rotating day-night shift schedule, so there were some weeks where I only saw him on the weekends. But on the weekends he was always fully engaged, even if the only thing he did was take me on errands with him so we could chat in the car.

I feel like Dad was one of the rare examples where a decision to go 180 degrees in the other direction didn't result in an overcorrection. My mom and him balanced each other out - he was the fun one, she was the slightly more serious one who also knew when to let her hair down. And maybe he was just hiding it, but I don't think he ever had any doubts that he was doing a good job. I think a big thing that helped is that both my parents were really authentic about what was important to them. I know it's a very different environment nowadays but I think we need to keep that in mind if we're going to be successful.

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Kev's avatar

The show was equal part genius cinematography and really painful to watch.

As a father of four ranging from 19years down to 4years, I can relate with so much of this.

My own dad wasn’t around much growing up and when he was, I’d rather he wasn’t.

My determining attitude for so long was not to be like him but that’s simply not enough is it?!

People always tell me that I’m a great dad and that my wife and I are “doing it right” yet the conversations we had after watching this show and numerous other occasions would suggest that we’re not as convinced as others seem to be.

I find the comment “our dads need to step up” really unhelpful.

The reality is, most of us don’t know what we’re stepping into.

The world changes fast and I think this is reflected most in the differences between generations.

We should absolutely make the time to be available to our children and we should absolutely be interested in everything that makes “them” them.

To a degree this is almost impossible as it’s human nature to hold some things back.

But still we must try.

It’s frustrating that we have all the political fact checkers out there and yet there simply doesn’t seem to be as much support for showing the dangers and lies peddalled by the Tates of this world.

Our kids are only really getting one side of the story told using “alternative facts.”

Perhaps it’s time for more unity and passion in showing the kids the truth.

Not just with our words but with our actions?

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Kevin Maguire's avatar

"The reality is, most of us don’t know what we’re stepping into."

I couldn't agree more. That was painfully clear watching the show. Eddie thought he'd done all he needed to do: not hit his kid, keep him off the streets. That's probably what could have made a difference when he was a kid. But not anymore.

The world is changing, and as lost as some of these boys are, I think many of us dads feel the same. Being a dad used to be very simple: protect, provide, preside. Now those days are long gone, and our kids need us in entirely different ways. And we're not always able to be there for them, because our dads weren't there in those ways for us. When I see Eddie crumble at the end of the show, it's because he feels like he has failed, in an impossible task, the hardest work that many dads will ever do.

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